


Not Today

by aintitfun



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Blurryface, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-07-04
Packaged: 2018-04-07 14:31:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4266756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aintitfun/pseuds/aintitfun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I really think you should hurt yourself. That’s probably your best option right now.” She licked the sticky mess of chocolate from her fingers as she spoke, the brown of the candy slightly contrasting the black covering her hands and neck.</p><p>or the one where blurryface is a girl</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Today

**Author's Note:**

> TW: implied self harm, mental health issues, anxiety, meds mention, swearing

“I really think you should hurt yourself. That’s probably your best option right now.” She licked the sticky mess of chocolate from her fingers as she spoke, the brown of the candy slightly contrasting the black covering her hands and neck. Disgusting, as usual.

 

“Can you just leave me alone?” Tyler mumbled as he tried to distract himself by scrolling through twitter. 

 

She snorted and threw the candy bar wrapper at his face. “You sound like such a whiney piss baby right now.” She balled her hands into fists and mimed crying as she mocked him. “ _‘Can you j-just l-leave me alone?’_ God, you’re pathetic. No wonder you’re sitting at home alone.”

 

He could feel his ears burning. She was just trying to get him worked up. “That’s not true. I just don’t feel good. I haven’t felt good all day. I ran out of-“

 

“Spoons? You mean you’re sad excuse at saying you didn’t want to keep trying?” She threw her head back as she laughed, the sound cutting through his chest like a knife. “Jesus, do you even listen to yourself?”

 

Tyler gripped the sides of his chair tight. He wasn’t going to let her win this time. “Can you please just go away?”

 

She rolled her eyes at him and scoffed. “Do you think anything’s going to change just because you’re a little bit more polite about it? This is why you never get what you want.” She yanked his desk drawer open and began rummaging around. “Here’s what you’re going to do.” She pulled out a blade and held it daintily between her thumb and forefinger. “Take this, do what you need to do, then cry yourself to sleep like the fucking pansy that you are. After that, I’ll gladly leave.” She cocked her head and gave him a big cheesy grin.

 

Tyler could feel his heart beat in his fingertips. It had been such a long time since he gave in. It felt like the only way to get her out. He just wanted peace of mind or a piece of his mind back that she was currently occupying. “You said the same thing last time, yet here you are.”

 

She sighed as she set the blade down and reached for a stick of gum. “Well, you keep fucking up, so here I am.” She ended her statement by popping the piece of sugar in her mouth. “This is all your fault, if you think about it.” She squinted her eyes, heavy with dark eyeliner, and smacked on the gum. “It’s all your fault, isn’t it?”

 

Was it Tyler’s fault? He kept messing up. He kept inviting her back into the personal haven of his mind by giving in to the pits of despair he couldn’t seem to keep covered up. This was his fault. It’s always his fault. Tyler slid the blade from his desk and held it in the palm of his hand. “You’re right. This is my fault.” He took a deep breath as he stared at the glinting piece of metal.

 

“Tyler, who are you talking to?” Josh stood in the doorframe, arms crossed with his brow furrowed. 

 

Tyler jerked his head towards the open door. How long had that been open? He swear he closed it. “Nothing. No one.” He quickly realized he still had the blade in his hand and went to hide it in the desk.

 

“I saw that. Give it.” Josh picked up the trash can and held it out for Tyler to dispose of the blade.

 

Tyler complied, feeling ashamed at his attempt to hide the truth from his best friend. “Look, I-“

 

“Don’t wanna hear it. Move.” Josh motioned for the younger man to step away from the desk with a jerk of his thumb. Tyler opened his mouth to protest and Josh shook his head firmly. “Please, let me look.” Tyler bit his lip to keep from crying as he slid away, grateful for the wheels on his chair. 

 

Josh rummaged in the various drawers for a moment, before pulling out a box of blades Tyler had stashed in the very back. He turned to face the younger man, looking more worried than disappointed. “I thought we talked about this?” Tyler pulled his hood over his head, not sure how to respond. “Are you still taking your meds?”

 

Tyler shook his head and Josh groaned. “They make me feel nauseous and out of it and my vision gets blurry and-“

 

Josh cut off the rambling by slamming the box of blades in the trash. “You’ve been talking to her again. I can tell.” Tyler could feel the pressure in his ears building. He didn’t want to hear this again. “Tyler, she’s not real. It’s all made up. It's just your mind messing with you.” He bounced his leg to keep from shaking. He didn’t want to hear this again. “Are you listening to me?”

 

Tyler shook his head. “You’re wrong. You’re wrong. She loves me. She cares about me. She’s honest.” He rocked back and forth in his chair. “She knows what’s best. She just wants me to be my best.”

 

“Tyler, you’re rocking. You’re going to fall out of your chair.” Josh stepped towards him and the younger man shrieked.

 

“No! No, don’t try and help. You’re not helping! SHE was helping me, OKAY? She was just trying to make me better. You just… just want me to take pills.” Tyler’s vision was blurry and his heart was racing. He felt fine when she was here. She was a little harsh, but she meant well. “Go away. Go away, so she’ll come back.”

 

“Tyler, please just-“

 

“Leave me alone!” Tyler screamed and promptly fell from his chair, hitting his head on the corner his desk.

 

“Tyler!” Josh rushed to his friend’s side as he lay on the ground. “Hey, hey look at me.”

 

The younger man pulled himself up slowly, leaning against his bed for support. “Don’t leave me alone.”

 

“I won’t. I promise.” Josh sat next to him and pulled him in close with one arm. 

 

“Don’t… don’t leave me alone, please. She’ll come back. She always does.” Tyler’s voice shook as he held back his tears.

 

“Not anymore. We’ll make sure of that okay?” Tyler gripped Josh’s shirt tight, wanting desperately to believe he was right. “You’ll get through this. We both will.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm projecting instead of doing dumb stuff. Let me know if anything else should be tagged. (It's a bit late and i'm tired)


End file.
